Life of the Lintee Bean

I’ve used the same Internet service provider (ISP) about 15 years now.  My service was fantastic, until the last year or two.  Then it became a nightmare of losing service every few days, for hours on end.  Of course, this never seems to happen when I’m not home or sleeping – it happens when I need to submit my biweekly column, have arranged to work from home, or need to make a CRITICAL Facebook status update.

I’ve made frequent calls to my ISP to complain.  They’ve said I needed a new phone cord (got that), to move my modem closer to the phone jack (did that), get a new modem (puchased it), use a new wireless router (bought one), etc., until they finally admitted a service technician would need to come to my home.

Last Thursday I took off work to meet with a DSL technician.  He showed up and did who-knows-what outside. He then told me it was a problem with the outside phone line, and it was “not his problem”. They’d have to schedule a phone company technician to come out and fix it.

Friday, I take off work again.  I wait, and wait, and then call my ISP.  I’m told the phone company’s technician has come and gone, and declared the outside line to be working fine.  “Well, then, what IS the problem?” I ask.  They put me on hold, check with “higher support”, and decide the phone technician should come back.  This time he rings the doorbell and again states the outside line is fine. He also checks my inside line and finds I’m losing 30% of my signal between the outside and inside. Since the problem is inside my house, it’s “not his problem”.

I call the ISP for the bazillionth time, and we schedule another appointment with a DSL technician for Tuesday.  He arrives and performs mysterious tests and does something-or-other, and declares the problem solved.  Two hours after he leaves, I lose my service – again.

I call the ISP in a FURY and unleash my wrath upon them.  They decide to schedule both a phone company technician and a DSL technician to come out the next day, at the same time.  This will be yet another vacation day spent with technicians, which is exactly how I want to spend my time off.  A few hours later, the phone technician arrives. He asks me where the DSL technician is. I explain to him that since he’s 23 hours early – the DSL technician is not here yet.

Wednesday arrives, and both technicians show up.  The phone technician shows the DSL technician that the outside phone line is fine.  The DSL technician decides the problem is likely my alarm system, and installs a DSL filter.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t solve the problem.  He suggests I get a new modem.  Well, that’s a great idea, except that I already DID that.  He does more who-knows-what, and after nearly two hours admits it must be some sort of wiring issue in my home, and he has no idea how to resolve the issue.  He wishes me luck.

I moved my modem to the basement, since my sister installed that phone jack recently and I know that wiring is new and functioning properly. While the situation isn’t ideal, and the service isn’t great – it’s better than before. So, hopefully I have a short-term solution (and will submit this column on time).  Long-term, I’ll look for another option, such as cable or wireless (4G). I need Internet like I need food, water, air – and coffee.  Going without definitely isn’t an option.

Submitted for publication in The Greeley Citizen.