Life of the Lintee Bean

In February, my original roommate moved out, and my new roommates (an engaged couple) moved in end of May.  The new roommates are really physically fit.  They both go to the gym regularly.  He is a certified personal trainer and participates in “strongman” contests.

So, as part of the “rent” we bartered for some free personal training.  I’d canceled my gym membership last winter, but I went back and signed up again. They gave me the usual sales pitches, offering to provide personal training sessions.  I explained my roommate would be training me, and he was already a member.  The sales manager asked his name, and when I told him – the atmosphere changed.

“DAVID is your roommate?  I will give you dollars off your monthly membership!  I’ll give David dollars off his membership!  Tell David I am doing this and that!”

David is, well, held in high regard.

I’ve been training several weeks now, and supposedly I’m making progress.  David charts all my weights and “reps” and whatnot and tells me I’m improving.  I can’t say I like “making exercise” much.  In fact, I don’t know that I like it AT ALL.  I tend to get pretty whiney and ask if we’re done yet, and tell him I want to GO HOME NOW.

David tries to convince me that guys at the gym are “checking me out”.  I don’t think so.  They’re checking HIM out and wanting to be just like him when they grow up.

One day, after my session, I hung out to watch my other roommate, Jenny, lift weights.  Her goal for the day was to see how high she could go.  She ended up dead-lifting 275 pounds – TWO HUNDRED and SEVENTY FIVE pounds!  If there is a natural disaster, I was now counting on her to save not only me, but my two cats, my laptop, and most of my yarn.  Then David could save the rest of my stuff, and my car.  He dead-lifted 700 pounds at a recent strongman contest.

I don’t dead lift anything.  I do “pull ups” of about 50 pounds – and only because that’s the lightest setting there seems to be.  Still, I try to “cheat” by using my legs to climb up the “pull up” machine (which doesn’t amuse David in the least).

Jenny just finished four days of a “liquid diet” – where she doesn’t EAT anything, she just drinks meal replacement shakes and whatnot.  I thought I’d join her.  I made it about four hours before I thought I’d die and ate an entire container of honeydew.  David rarely ever eats “real” food – he lives on dirt and kitty litter from what I can tell.

Still, I’m hanging in there.  I’ve read the articles David gave me on the benefits of strength training: lower blood pressure, better stamina, higher metabolism, etc, etc.  I might be building muscle already, maybe I just can’t see it yet under the fat.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen