I received a jury summons. This little piece of mail fills most people with dread, but not me. Most times (and this was no exception) I’m called to serve at the courthouse downtown, a mere city block from where I work. It’s easy to get to, and if I’m dismissed early I can go to work afterward. I generally assume I’ll be dismissed early. Lawyers NEVER want me on their clients’ jury. It takes only one bit of information to make up their minds – that my occupation has something to do with insurance.
Assuming I wouldn’t actually have to BE a juror, I was counting on a few relaxing hours of crocheting. I may need to answer some easy questions about my occupation, lack of criminal record and lawsuits, etc. Then I could go to work for the rest of the day.
I made a critical mistake early on. I neglected to take the SCISSORS out of the bag containing my crochet-work-in-progress. As I attempted to enter through courthouse security, my bag was X-rayed and I was stopped. Fortunately, they decided to let me through – dangerous crochet hook and scissors included.
I settled into the jury room, and watched the video on serving my civic duty. I then waited (and crocheted) until my panel number was called. The minute they told us the type of case being heard, I knew I did NOT want on this jury. I have strong opinions on pretty much everything – but I’d say my opinions on this type of lawsuit are even stronger than usual. I told the judge and lawyers of my VERY strong opinions. They got the picture quickly and dismissed me. My crochet-work-in-progress and I went back to the jury room.
Lunchtime arrived and I had a dilemma. If I left to get lunch, I’d have to go back through security. I still had those very dangerous scissors in my bag. I could walk to work and leave the lethal scissors there, but then I’d have to answer all my coworkers’ questions about why I wasn’t at work, when I would be at work, why I was stashing weapons in my desk drawer, etc. I decided to try and subsist on what was available in the vending machines. My “meal” ended up being pretzels and “fruit snacks” (which really don’t resemble fruit in the slightest, but I guess they have a drop of fruit juice in them).
A fellow juror offered to share some of his lunch with me – whatever it was – but I declined. They finally dismissed us late afternoon, along with our big checks for $17.20. (I’ll try not to spend it all in one place.)
All in all, it was still a relatively easy day – easier than dealing with financial reporting for insurance companies, anyway. Coincidentally my boyfriend also got a jury summons. He has to report to the criminal court on the south side of Chicago. I can only offer my sympathy, and suggest he leave his scissors at home.
Submitted for publication in The Greeley Citizen.
Life of the Lintee Bean 