Life of the Lintee Bean

I know I complain about my commute a lot. Well, that’s because I hate it a LOT.

Growing up, I felt really bad for those people that had to drive 50 miles every day for their job. They spent 45 minutes in the car, each way, just for work. Well, that sounds pretty darn good right now – as instead, I spend 45 minutes each way on a train with hundreds of other people.

There are a lot of things about my commute I just don’t understand. Like why does it have to smell SO bad? I mean, we all just got up for the morning and are on our way to work. Didn’t we all just shower, apply deodorant, and brush our teeth? WHY is the stench of bad breath and body odor SO overwhelming on the train in the morning?

Then there are all the other odors. There are the people that are wearing WAY too much cologne. There’s the stench from people that ignore the rules not to eat or drink on the el, and have big bags of greasy STINKY fast food. Then, of course you have the people that are passing gas. That’s ALWAYS pleasant.

This weekend, I had to go into work. An added bonus of riding on the weekend is there’s yet more construction to “eliminate slow zones” (which are NEVER eliminated) and so the train ride is extra long. To top it off, someone decided the train ride would be a good time to remove their SHOES and air out their stinky FEET! Are you KIDDING me?

Last week a tourist plopped down in the seat next to me on my ride home. She was pretty excited about her vacation in the big city. So excited, she ignored the headphones I wear to AVOID talking to people like her and started gabbing away with me, her new friend because I sat in the wrong seat on the wrong day.

One of the surprises this tourist had found was that there are NO public restrooms on the el or in the el stations. I wonder if she has ANY idea of just how DISGUSTING those restrooms would be, if they existed? I told her, if you have to use the restroom on your journey and will not make it to your destination, you just have to get off the train, exit the station and find the nearest public facilities. Apparently that thought had occurred to her, but she didn’t want to pay the transfer fee to enter the station again. (What is that fee, 50 cents?) So, she just went to a corner of the el station, dropped her pants, and peed right there. It’s not like I haven’t noticed the el stations frequently stink like urine. I just always attributed it to the homeless. Apparently it’s homeless and tourists. Great.

Submitted for publication in The Greeley Citizen.