I love nature. I really do. I love the plants and the little critters and the sunshine and even the rain. Unfortunately, nature does NOT reciprocate. Nature seems to hate me.
Perfect example was our visit to Dad’s ranch. I was telling Dad I was going to put a piece of tape with my name on it on the ranch. (My sister and nieces have started putting tape with their name on it on my parents’ belongings that they want when my parents pass away.) I was joking with Dad that I’d have a little cabin on the ranch with just me and the cats, and it’d be great for me.
Then, as we were closing the gate to the ranch, I saw a little tiny frog and demanded we wait so the little guy could hop to safety before we went stomping around in his vicinity. Really, I’m nice to nature!
Shortly after my little intervention on the frog’s behalf is when nature attacked. First I felt a sharp pain in my foot and ankle. I looked down to discover several sandburs had apparently LEAPED out of the grass to stick into my leg, ankle, and foot. I took a couple out, gingerly, so to avoid getting their little prongs embedded in my fingers – and Dad helped with the last stubborn one.
We’d barely finished when a large bee-like flying thing attached itself to my leg. EEK! Dad rescued me again. Then two large grasshoppers joined in the attack!
I don’t understand why nature would attack ME when I am nothing but nice to nature. A friend said it’s because I don’t intimidate nature. Anyway, I decided I don’t want the ranch after all, not with attacking nature things on it.
There’s even nature attacks here in Chicago. I was attacked by a spider this week. There’s a huge spider that lives at my house. He was living between the banisters of the front porch, so I let him be. Apparently, he decided to relocate and build his web in front of the gate. So I went through the gate on the way to work and walked right into his web. All excited about his big yummy catch, he dropped down right into my face and scared the heck out of me.
I’m hoping the spider decided that near the gate was a bad place to set up his web, and he will rebuild elsewhere.
Submitted for publication in The Greeley Citizen.
Life of the Lintee Bean 
Oh, poor Lynette! LOL I know exactly what you mean. So happy you let the cute little frog get to safety, though.
There – you almost had me sold on the idea of a little cabin on a ranch. But burrs? Huge stripey flying things? Grasshoppers? Just throw in a couple of snakes (no, please don’t!) and I’d be finished. Mind you, a spider in the face is no joke either. Best just stay indoors, then. 🙂 Ax
I had a chicken about jump on my head yesterday morning. Ranches aren’t all they are cracked up to be. Shitty hen feet on my head! YUCK! Thank goodness I had my hood up.