Life of the Lintee Bean

I went to the dentist this week. I HATE going to the dentist. It’s not that my dentist isn’t super nice, she is! However, how ANYONE could not fear dental visits is beyond me.

Before I changed to my current dentist, I had another dentist (for a VERY brief time) that didn’t seem to understand at all why I was afraid. Well, let’s think about it. You’re going to put me in a big chair. You’re going to lean me way back, so I can’t sit up or get out easily. Then you’re going to stick SHARP POINTY metal instruments in my mouth and poke around. Then you’ll take a LARGE SYRINGE and STAB me with it. Then you’ll take a DRILL and DRILL into my teeth. I think I have every right to be scared!

How would the dentist like it if I got a sharp pointy instrument as well? What if I got to stab him in the thigh on occasion? I wouldn’t abuse the privilege. I’d just stab once in a while, so he could empathize with my pain. Maybe I wouldn’t even stab very hard. It might not hurt much – or it might hurt a lot. Not knowing adds to the suspense.

To make matters worse, my fear generally overcomes any anesthetic the dentist gives me. I guess a little Novocain is just no match for all that adrenaline. So, when I got my first crown with Dr-Doesn’t-Understand-Fear-of-Dental-Work, we ran into trouble. He gave me an injection and we waited. In his very COLD office, waiting involves being in the infamous reclining dentist’s chair, watching a large television screen. This particular evening, that screen featured some Jessica Simpson special. Perhaps the agony of viewing this special was supposed to take my mind off my fear of dental work? When Dr-Doesn’t-Understand came back to check on me, I was starting to shiver and I was NOT numb.

He’s surprised by this, but gives me another shot, and leaves me to wait with Jessica Simpson some more. By the time he’s back, not only am I still not numb – I’m shaking like a leaf. So now he doesn’t understand why I’m not numb, and also doesn’t understand why I’m shaking. He asks me to stop shaking. Stop? How does one stop shaking, exactly? I’m cold and I’m scared and things are not going well. He gives me yet another injection and comments in a rather annoyed tone that I’ve now received MUCH more anesthesia than typical.

I wait with Jessica Simpson some more, and he comes back and now I’m pretty numb. He starts, and it’s NOT pleasant and I’m NOT totally numb but we get through it. He affixes a temporary crown. We can all finally go home.

The next day I look in the mirror, and I see I’ve broken that temporary crown and half is missing.

Anyway, after that whole disaster, I changed dentists again – just in time to get two more crowns. My dentist now is awesome. She totally understands dental fear. She prescribed some Valium and while she wouldn’t let me hold a sharp metal instrument, she did let me hold the vacuum thing. So, I had the power to suck on her leg if I wanted. (I didn’t.) She is a master with the injections. I can barely feel them. She got those two crowns done in what seemed like 15 minutes. I’ve been going to her for a few years now, and don’t need the Valium anymore. I’m still nervous, and I think that’s understandable. There are still drills – LOUD whining drills stuck in my MOUTH – but it’s bearable.

Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen