My doctor referred me to a new dermatologist a few months ago. I’ve been to dermatologists before, but not like this one! He’s near Michigan Avenue (home of the “magnificent mile”, shopping, tourists – land of the rich and beautiful). His posh offices are filled with pictures of him, pictures painted BY him, and brochures on liposuction, lip plumping, and other beautifying procedures.
So, I went to his office last week to have a couple small growths on my face removed and biopsied. The music in his office is the cheesiest music ever! When I walked in it was playing the theme from “The Love Boat”
“The LOVE boat! Exciting and new! Come aboard, we’re expecting you!!!!”
Then they played “La Freak”, the theme song from Maude, “Thank you for being a friend”…. the music certainly brings back memories!
I got the small growths sliced off. On the way back to work, I stopped at the farmer’s market and got some vegetables, fruit, and salsa. I got back to work and snuck into the ladies’ room to remove the bandages from face. However, I see my face is still bleeding, so I put on new bandages and head back to my desk. Then I notice the blood all over my hands . So I go back to the washroom and wash my hands and head back to my desk. Then I see I have blood on my hands again, and I have blood all over the bags I got at the farmer’s market, and OH NO! I have blood ALL OVER MY NEW TRENCH COAT!!!! I know it’s just a coat, but I really like it. I just got compliments on it that day from a woman in the elevator and a woman at the doctor’s office.
So I run back to the restroom and try to get the blood out of new coat… out of new coat!!! I’m also trying to figure out where the blood is coming from! My face was NOT bleeding that much!
I run back to my office, and use one of those little laundry pad stain removal things to try to get the blood out of my coat! Not my new coat! A coworker stops by at this point to ask if it’s still raining… he sees I am having a crisis and walks away.
Another coworker stops by to tell me he’s going to be out of the office next week. He sees I’m having a crisis, but proceeds to stand there talking to me anyway, asking what happened to my face, despite the fact I am holding bloody paper towels and obviously upset.
I figure the blood must be coming from my hands, so I go wash my hands again. At this point, it looks like it may be my thumb, so I bandage my thumb.
By now it’s nearly 3:00, and I still have blood all over my farmer’s market bags but I hope I got the vast majority of it out of my coat. I go to the kitchen to finally microwave my lunch when another coworker sees me and says “Oh my gosh, your face! What happened? Did you get in a fight? How’s the other woman?”
I just asked him what made him think it was a woman.
Submitted for publication in the Greeley Citizen
Life of the Lintee Bean 