Life of the Lintee Bean

I never had Trick-or-Treaters at my prior residences (once I had my own place). When I moved to this house, I was optimistic I’d get a few. I don’t know many of the kids in the neighborhood, but I thought maybe some of the kids from next door would show up, and bring friends.

The first year, I bought two bags of candy, just in case. I worked a full day, and rushed home, noticing all the Trick-or-Treaters out and about. Hoping I’d still get a few despite getting home so late. It was madness. My two bags of candy were gone in 20 minutes. I was giving out Starlight mints and breakfast bars, to looks of extreme disappointment. After a while, I just turned off the porch light and other lights visible from outside and hid in the kitchen, worrying my house would be egged. (It was not.)

The next year, I was prepared with more candy – despite working a full day, I still gave out 17 bags of it. I barely had time to go to the bathroom all evening.

This year, I decided to take a half day off work and enjoy the holiday. I’m not really “into” kids – not that I don’t like them, I’m just awkward with them – but I love the whole festivity of the kids dressing up in costume, joyous in their candy collecting.

I got home around 3:00 and rushed to get things set up for a busy evening of door-answering. I got the cats settled with sub-q fluids, etc, and my laptop set up in the living room so I could answer email, etc. between Treaters. Then I waited, and waited, and wondered where those Treaters were!

The first Trick-or-Treaters arrived around 4:30… three Spidermans and something fluffy, perhaps a princess? Not sure why there were three Spidermen. Perhaps they were Spiderman I, Spiderman II, and Spiderman III?

The next group maybe a half hour later were a disappintment, I have to say. The princess from Aladdin, and two girls without costumes.

Third group arrived around 5:30 – now this group was great! A girl in a long black dress and purple hair, a witch complete with hat, and another witch – I guess they were three witches. With them was an adult carrying a toddler dressed as a ladybug.

Things started heating up a little after 6:00. A cheerleader, a muscle man, a priest (“No! I’m from Matrix” – oops sorry), more Spidermans…. Dorothy and the cowardly lion (who cried and wanted the Wicked Witch to pick him up)…. getting busier with knights and vampires and more witches and more princesses… passing out candy so quickly I really don’t have time to look at the costumes… trying to keep cats from running out the door… adults with costumes out on the sidewalk who remind their kids to say thank you… an adorable little dinosaur… lots more witches with large pointy hats, kids dressed as popular icons I’m unfamiliar with – I think one girl was supposed to be Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera or something…

Little Old Neighbor Man called – aren’t you getting Trick or Treaters? I asked. He said they were done, it was dark now. I was just getting busy! He said it sounded like I had kids in the house. No, I was just answering the door for Trick or Treaters. He was going to watch Wheel of Fortune – don’t I watch that. No, I don’t…

More witches and skeletons and superheros and cheerleaders… a hottie Dad who said “Oh, you have Whoppers? I love Whoppers!” I gave him a big handful of malted milk balls. He said he loved me… he probably doesn’t, but it was a thrill nonetheless. Hey – crazy cat ladies have hormones too, you know! MEOW!

Of course, there was also the inevitable appearance by a crabby Spongebob Squarepants. His dad said he was supposed to be Patrick, but his costume didn’t fit. After 7:00 I got some Trick or Treaters that looked suspiciously familiar… I’m certain they were here for a second round, but that’s fine with me. If they’re willing to climb the stairs a second time, they earned it. One group saw a kitty and were pretty excited about that. Fortunately, none grabbed at her – only one reached, and let her sniff his hand, which was fine. I don’t need a child bitten and bleeding and screaming.

Still going pretty strong at 7:30 – another adorable dinosaur, Snow White… I laughed out loud at a “grandpa” costume, child bent over and walking slowly… a very scary skeleton-like creature complete with scary bloody hands and long curly hair… an adorable little brown monkey… more vampires and Frankenstein’s monster (notice how I got that “correct”)… and a little ninja obsessed with doorbells.. ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring (mom yelling “Fabio STOP! Oh, I’m so sorry!”) I got more generous with the candy as it was apparent I’d have plenty. I was giving about five of the “fun size” pieces to each child, rather than three.

I wish I’d paid more attention to the adults with them, often they had the best costumes. A ghost, a strange lizard-faced creature, lots of witches… as it got later, the neighbors got out the big guns, er, knives… music from the Rocky Mountain HORROR Picture Show blared from down the block, kids were screaming and crying as the neighbors two doors down chased them with fake knives and chainsaws.

I decided to call it quits around 8:15. The stragglers were fewer and further between and I needed to pee!